It is no secret that ever since I was a small child, I’ve loved books and reading. I learned to read and write at a very young age, long before entering kindergarten. I was rebellious and headstrong, and sometimes the only threat that could coax acceptable behavior from me was the fear of losing access to My Books.
I also tend to be a do-er. When I admire something, I eventually want to create things in that vein.
I loved candles, so I started making them. I enjoyed handmade soaps, and then started making my own. I loved quilts, and became a quilter. That avenue has been the most enduring so far, and actually led to a professional position.
I’ve written a lot of poetry, and many short stories over the years, most of which were set afire in fits of self doubt and loathing. I’ve lived enough years now, and learned enough lessons to understand that it’s a painful shame that those things are lost to the ether.
I am now working on a novel length story, and in the process I’m learning so much about who I am, who I’ve been, and what I want to become.
I know enough now to resist the urge to destroy my early drafts. I’m saving them so that I may look back and see where I started.
I am thoroughly embracing the idea (and the hashtag) of “am writing.” So much about this journey is just being aware of the space I occupy.
I find myself looking at the world around me through a different lens. One that is simultaneously more critical and more tolerant.
I’m examining nature with a more critical eye, taking note of the reactions of all my senses, and how those reactions affect me, and possibly those around me, and my responses to them.
I’m becoming more tolerant of others and the ways they interact with their world, and their place in that world.
I think writing (or trying to write) is making me a better human, and because of that it doesn’t matter that I’ll never be a best selling author. It doesn’t matter that I won’t sell a frajillion copies or create the next big series that is turned into a huge HBO hit. None of these lofty aspirations are part of my goals.
It is enough to be moving on.
It is enough that I am exploring who I am.
It is enough that I am true to the characters I channel.
It is enough that I am writing.